I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
