im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
