It's Friday. Sex?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
