She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.