I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave