life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
