you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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