I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
