Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
