We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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