There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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