I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
