i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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