im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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