I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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