I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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