So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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