How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
