Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
