I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
