He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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