I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize