You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
