He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
