HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
