I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
