So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
