I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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