so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
