Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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