let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
