Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
