I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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