Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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