You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just threw up on my dentist
Farmville is her only friend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
