I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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