Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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