It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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