this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
