so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
