Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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