You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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