Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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