First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
