why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
