Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
