I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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