Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
