It's Friday. Sex?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
