ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
