dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
