woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
