They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
