i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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