Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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