so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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