yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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