oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
