Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
