Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
