our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
