you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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