So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
