That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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