3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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