everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
