is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
